call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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