could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
