well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
