i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
