We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
