This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
