Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
