sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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