I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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