SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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