i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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