Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
