tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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