I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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