where am i from again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
