we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
