listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
