Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
