we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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