you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
