i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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