You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
