ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
