i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
