just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
