Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
