My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
