I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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