fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
