He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
