Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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