I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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