Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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