you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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