Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
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his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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