her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
