SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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