I need to stop coming to work sober
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
