We're facebook friends in real life
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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