Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
