The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
