He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
