Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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