Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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