I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
