OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
