please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
