i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
