i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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