I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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