Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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