I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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