I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
