he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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