Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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