I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
