there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
