so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
