Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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