I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
