She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
