is wine microwaveable?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
