my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
