i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
