he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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