Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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