I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
