i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
