dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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