Dual....:-)
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
