Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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