All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You took a bar mat shot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
